Evangelion: You Can (Not) Pass That Thing
by Bluekirby2
Summary: The Nerdlurks try to kidnap the cast of Evangelion so they can use them for a soap opera. However, Gendo Ikari challenges them to a game of basketball that will determine their fate, so NERV tries to recruit Charles Barkley's 14 year old son, Hoopz Barkley. Will feature a guest character!
1. Chapter 1

Moron Mountain, an attraction in space, was not doing very good financially due to less visitors overtime. The owner, Mr. Swackhammer, was curious as to why, and would do anything to make Moron Mountain popular.

"I don't know where we went wrong." Mr. Swackhammer said sitting in his office while he was smoking a cigar.

Mr. Swackhammer's minions, the Nerdlucks, were also in his office trying to come up with some way to help him, but they had nothing.

"There's gotta be somethin' we can do. But what!?" Mr. Swackhammer shouted as he banged his fist on his desk, but accidentally hit a remote which turned the many televisions on that were behind him.

"Asuka…"

Mr. Swackhammer heard a voice behind him. "Where did that come from?"

"Well you conveniently turned the TV on that led to a significant plot-point." Pound, the orange nurdluck, said.

Mr. Swackhammer turned around, and saw the opening scene from End of Evangelion on TV.

"What is this….."

"Asuka, wake up…This isn't funny anymore….."

Mr. Swackhammer and the Nerdlucks became curious, so they watched the entire movie.

…

When the movie ended, the Nerdlucks had a look that seemed like they were traumatized. Mr. Swackhammer, on the other hand, looked like he had a genius idea.

"I have an idea! We're gonna close down Moron Mountain and start our own TV Station called Moron Station! And you five are gonna go to Earth and kidnap the stars of that show and we'll have them in a soap opera! We'll make millions!"

"But Mr. Swackhammer" Bang, the green nerdluck, asked "This is just a television show, so they might not really be real people."

"Hey, quiet you! We just need some kinda motivation for this story, even if it is a shitty one!"

After the Nerdlucks heard that, they decided there was no arguing with that, and got in a space-ship that took them to Earth.

…

It was a slow day in NERV headquarters. No angels were attacking Tokyo 3, but Gendo Ikari seemed to expect an angel attack, so he made Shinji, Asuka, and Rei stay in NERV HQ.

"I don't get it." Shinji said. "Why are we even here? It's not like any angels are attacking or anything….."

"What are you, stupid?" Asuka said to Shinji. "A good Eva pilot has to be ready for angel attacks at all times!"

Makoto, Maya, and Shigeru had nothing to do, so they were just playing with playing cards out of boredom, but they found it odd how Geno didn't force them to be more focused on any possibly angel attacks.

"Commander Ikari, do you really think it's a good idea to have everybody here?" Ritsuko asked.

"Now, we don't want to lower our guard. An angel attack could happen at any minute."

Right after Gendo had spoken, a loud beeping noise came from the computer that Makoto, Maya, and Shigeru used.

"A detected life-form is entering the Earth's atmosphere!" Maya shouted "We don't have any indication of what it could be, but it's most likely an angel!"

"What did I tell you?" Gendo said while his mouth was covered with his fingers.

"But you don't have any indication it's an angel! It could be something else!" Misato shouted.

"Major Katsuragi, it doesn't seem likely it wouldn't be an angel seeing as how we've had two angels live in the Earth's orbit." Makoto said.

"I have a boner!" Shigeru yelled, but nobody seemed to care.

"It's headed straight fro Tokyo 3, but it doesn't seem large enough to destroy anything too important." Maya shouted.

"Major Katsuragi, it's most likely to be an angel since it's headed directly for Tokyo 3!"

"Commander Ikari, should we get the Eva pilots ready?" Misato asked Gendo.

Gendo was silent for a moment before giving an answer. "I think Katsuragi is right. It might not be an angel, so don't get the Eva pilots ready. Besides, judging by it's size, it can't be too much of a threat."

"Should we label it as an unidentified flying object?" Misato asked Gendo.

"Yes, I think we should."

"The unidentified flying object has crashed into directly in front of NERV headquarters!" Makoto yelled.

"How did it get here so quickly?" Misato yelled frantically.

"We spent too much time analyzing it that we didn't notice it was getting closer!"

"We can identify that the unidentified flying object was a machine, but it carried life forms on it!" Shigeru shouted. "Also, I have a boner!"

"The unidentified flying object isn't nearly the size of an Eva or most of the angels, so we don't need the Evas!"

"But what about the life-forms!?" Misato yelled as frantically as before.

"FREEZE!" A loud voice shouted, but nobody saw where it was coming from. Everybody looked around to see where it was coming from, but the voice made an "Ahem!" sound, and everybody looked down and saw the Nerdlurks.

"What the? What the hell are these things?" Ritsuko asked.

"Awwww!" They're so cute!" Misato said as she poked one of their cheeks.

"No, we are not cute! We are the Nerdlurks, and we are here to enslave you all!" Pound pointed a laser-gun at Misato. "Now, where are the ones you call Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, and Asuka Langely?"

"…Why do you need them?"

"That's beside the point!" Ritsuko said. "They shouldn't even be here! Escort them out of here, immediately!"

"No, Dr. Akagi!" Gendo said, catching everybody's attention. "I say we should challenge them. If we win, we get to stay, but if they win, they have the right to enslave us."

"But Commander Ikari" Ritsuko was confused by Gendo's decision. "Why can't we just escort them out of NERV headquarters?"

"Because we need to have as much plot holes as the source material!"

Ritsuko sighed. "Well, all right Commander Ikari. What were you planning on challenging them to?"

"Well, this was a hobby of mine when I was young…" Gendo reached his hands under his desk, and pulled out a basketball.

"Basketball!?" Ritsuko was even more confused by Gendo's odd decisions. "Commander Ikari, of ALL the….."

"What did I say earlier, Dr. Akagi?"

…

"B…b….BASKETBALL!" Shinji said as he came to the realization he would have to play basketball. "B..b…b….I CAN'T PLAY BASKETBALL!"

"Stupid Shinji!" Asuka said snobbishly. "It's just basketball! It's not like we have to pilot the Evas to fight an angel or something!"

"Actually…" Misato said while scratching the back of her head.

…

"WHAT!? WE HAVE TO PILOT THE EVAS!?" Shinji whined. "BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO PLAY BASKETBALL!?"

"For whatever reason, Commander Ikari wants you to play basketball while piloting the Evas." Misato explained. "I don't get it either, but orders are orders."

"Playing basketball with the Evas? That is so stupid!" Asuka complained. "Weren't the Evas designed for combat?"

"Yes, but Commander Ikari has ordered that they will be reprogrammed to play basketball."

"But where are we even going to play basketball with the Evas?" Shinji wondered. "They're huge. And on top if that, where are we going to get a basketball THAT big?"

"Ikari has ordered for a basketball stadium specifically for Evas and angels to be constructed, and a giant basketball."

Shinji and Asuka were dumbfounded, but Rei had a blank expression on her face and simply stated "I understand".

"But we need five players per side for basketball, but there are only three of us." Asuka pointed out. "Where are we going to get the other two players?"

"NERV has sent a scout over to the United States to find new recruits for basketball. We've heard there are some very good basketball players there. But that is all for today. Shinji, Asuka, I'll drive you home in a moment. Rei, you should head home too."

"Wait, why do we even need the Evas?" Shinji asked. "The Nerdlurks are tiny."

"The Commander has ordered that we have as much plot-holes as the other source material."

"And also, why is NERV sending a scout out to America? I'm sure there are plenty of people in Japan who would be willing to pilot a basketball playing Eva."

"Like I said, the Commander really desires plot-holes for whatever reason."


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile, in whatever state Charles Barkley lives in, the Barkley household was having a good day. Charles' 14 year-old son (Despite how Charles was 52), Hoopz Barkley, had just gotten back from school, and Hoopz's mom was getting ready to make dinner.

Just then, they heard somebody ring their doorbell.

"I'll get it." Charles hollered as he walked up to the door. He opened it and saw a NERV agent.

"You must be Charles Barkley, correct?"

"Well, yeah. I ain't giving out any autographs." Charles responded bluntly.

"I'm not here for autographs." The unnamed NERV agent held out a badge. "I'm from NERV."

"NERV? What does that stand for?"

"Nothing, our logo just looks cool in all capital letters."

Charles was confused by that decision. "Well, anyways, what are you here for?"

"I'm from NERV's original branch in Tokyo 3. We've modified giant 'robots' called Evangelion to play basketball, and we need a fourth and fifth person with exceptional b-ball talent to pilot them."

Despite all the weird things the unnamed NERV agent said, Charles was mostly baffled by how he was asked to play basketball. "Basketball? I'm retired! I'm too old for that!"

"Yes, we are very well aware of that. Only a 14 year old can pilot an Eva."

"Okay, firstly, why can only 14 year olds pilot an Eva?" Charles asked. "Why can't you use trained professionals, or someone with more military experience instead of a freaking 14 year old?"

"Because I'm from a freaking anime!"

"And secondly, if you KNEW I'm too old, why did you even come to my house? Did you know I just so happened to have a 14 year old son?"

The unnamed NERV agent was shocked. "Actually I had no idea. You see, the commander of NERV, Gendo Ikari, ordered we have as much plot-holes in this story as possible. But hey, since you do have a son, could he help us with this?"

"Hey Hoopz!" Charles yelled, and Hoopz quickly ran up to Charles.

"Yeah dad?" Hoopz was wearing worn-out denim jeans, a basketball jersey, and a backwards blue hat.

"Do you wanna go all the way to a post-apocalyptic city in Japan that commonly gets attacked by giant aliens, pilot a giant robot to play basketball that might not actually be a robot seeing as how this guy is saying it, live with two angsty teens, an alcoholic, and a genetically-modified penguin, and risk being enslaved by an alien race if you lose?"

"Sure dad." Hoopz replied casually.

The unnamed NERV agent was dumbfounded. "But how did you know any of that when I didn't even detail it?"

"Hey, what did you say about plot-holes?"

The unnamed NERV agent rolled his eyes. "Well anyways, since you and your son are both okay with this decision, I guess you should pack your bag, Hoopz. Hey, do you happen to have a mother?"

"Well, yeah." Hoopz said. "Why?"

"You see, at NERV, we require that each Eva pilot go to NERV headquarters with their mother."

Hoopz or Charles weren't the least bit suspicious, even though they pointed out every flaw with what he said earlier.

"Sure thing." Charles said. "Hey Hoopz's mom!"

"Yeah?" Hoopz's mom yelled back.

"You're gonna have to travel to a post-apocalyptic city in Japan with Hoopz. We have no idea what will happen to you, but I doubt you're gonna have your soul merged with a giant robot or anything!"

"Okay." Hoopz's mom replied casually.

…

In NERV HQ, Misato had gotten a call from the unnamed NERV agent.

"So you checked EVERYWHERE in the United States, and you only found one child?"

"Unfortunately so. We only have the Sixth Child, but nobody for the Seventh Child." The unnamed NERV agent said.

Misato sighed. "Couldn't you scout another country or something?"

"Sorry, Major Katsuragi. We don't allow good ideas at NERV."

Misato sighed again. "Allright…But I'm not worried. I'm pretty sure our guest character will conveniently show up just in time to carry the plot on after we end this call."

"Yes ma'am. Now if you excuse me, I need to sign off." The unnamed NERV agent said before signing off.

"Where are we going to find the Seventh Child?" Misato asked herself, although she really meant; "When is the guest character going to show up?"

Just then, Misato heard somebody walk into the room she was in. "So you need another pilot, huh?"

Misato turned around and saw a shirtless muscular man with spiky blue hair, wore a badass cape and triangular sunglasses, and was holding a katana.

"So you're the guest character? Who are you?"

"Who am I? Who am **I**? Well, just who the hell do you think I am? I am the mighty Kamina! The oceans and skies tremble just when they hear my name! I also happen to be an expert gunmen pilot, which I'm sure can't be too different from piloting whatever those things are!"

"Uh-huh." Misato said. "Well, those things are Evangelions, or Evas. And only 14 year olds are able to pilot it."

"Well, that's not how we did things at Team Dai-Gurren! We would kick logic out the window and do the impossible!"

"That doesn't exactly work here. And how did you even get here? Don't you have some sort of story that makes zero sense?"

"You see, it turns out I'm from the distant future. I died in that time period, but let's say I had to convince the big guy upstairs to visit my friends when I needed to help my bro, Simon, when he needed it the most, and somehow after that I ended up here!"

Misato sighed. "Well, let's see if you can even pilot an Eva. Come on, I'm gonna have to take you to the Eva plug."

Misato led Kamina to an Eva plug, which Kamina entered.

"So, why can't I just get in the robot and not a giant pill?" Kamina asked.

"That's a long story." Misato said before the door of the Eva plug closed, and it was shortly entered into a new Evangelion, Eva Unit 05, which was the first Eva made specifically to play b-ball. It didn't look too different from Eva Unti 01, but its color scheme was red and black.

Eva 05 was taken to a simulator where Kamina could move it around freely, but there was one problem.

"You're at a synch rate of 0%." Ritsuko, who somehow appeared just in time for Kamina to pilot Eva 05.

"I told you, only a 14 year old can pilot it!" Misato shouted.

"0%, huh?" Kamina said. "I guess I should put more spiral energy into this thing!"

Just then, Eva 05 and Kamina had a perfect synch ratio.

"What the!? How!?" Ritsuko said dumbfounded.

"Easy! You just need to believe in the you that you believe in!"

…

The next day, Misato had gathered Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Hoopz, and Kamina.

"Okay you five. For most of you, this is a much different experience."

"So wait, I thought only 14 year olds could pilot Evas." Shinji said. "Why is this guy here?"

"Let's just leave on plot holes, Shinji." Misato said. "But anyways, you're going to have to play basketball while piloting the Evas. I know most of you are familiar with piloting Evas, and one of you is familiar with play basketball, but I don't think any of you can do both at the same time."

"Hey, where did my mom go?" Hoopz asked.

"That's beside the point." Misato said. "Anyways, we are going to need to train all of you to play basketball while piloting the Evas. I know Kamina and Hoopz are going to need specific training for piloting Evas, so this might take longer than your usual training."

"Alright, basketball!" Kamina said. "Wait, what's basketball?"

"Kamina, that was so cliché!" Asuka said. "You couldn't have said something more clever?"

"That's enough Asuka!" Misato scolded. "Why can't you be calmer like Rei or Hoopz?"

"Hoopz isn't calm, he's just bland!"

There was an awkward silence after Asuka said that.

"Actually Asuka, you're right. Hoopz doesn't have much of a character. Rei has more personality."

"Ah, come on!" Hoopz complained. "What do you mean she has more of a character?"

"Her personality is having no personality, and even she has an interesting back-story. But enough of this arguing; Shinji, Asuka, Rei, and Kamina will come with me to the basketball court. Hoopz will go with Ritsuko to learn about piloting an Eva."

"But wait, when did we have a court?" Shinji asked.

"Shut up Shinji!"

Shinji gave up, and followed his instructions by going to the basketball court.


	3. Chapter 3

Misato was in the gym that NERV apparently had with Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and Kamina.

"Even though I have absolutely no experience with basketball, I'm going to have to teach you how to play! First we'll start with something simple, like passing a ball. Shinji, you're with Asuka, and Kamina will be with Rei."

Shinji looked over at Asuka. "I just know the shippers are going wild already."

Shinji was passing a ball with Asuka, as he was instructed to do.

"Hey Misato?" Shinji asked.

"Yes Shinji?"

"Is this in the Neon Genesis universe, or the rebuilds?"

Misato tried to answer, but was stumped. "You know Shinji, I don't know."

"I mean, isn't the Eva that Kamina is piloting called Unit 05? I mean, we can't be in the Rebuild universe because Unit 05 was destroyed."

"Well, I guess that means this is Neon Genesis."

"But what about the mass produced Evas? One of them was Unit 05."

Misato paused for a moment. "Damn it Shinji, stop pointing out the plot-holes."

…

After practice for the day, Commander Ikari had planned to talk with Misato.

"Why did you need to speak to me, Commander?"

"Remember how we said that The Second Impact was caused by humans discovering Adam, the First Angel?"

"Yes, but we all know that was a plot-twist, because what ACTUALLY happened…."

"No, that isn't right either."

Misato was confused by Gendo's response. "So, what did cause The Second Impact?"

"The truth is, it has nothing to do with Adam, or any of the angels for that matter. Remember how we said Second Impact happened in Alaska?"

"Yes?"

"That was a cover-up. The truth was, it was somewhere in the United States."

"Where in the United States?"

"I don't know because I couldn't find any Internet sources."

"But Commander, shouldn't you know? I mean, you ARE the commander of NERV…."

"Shut up Misato!"

Misato raised an eyebrow. "Okay…So, how did it start?"

"It was in Charles Barkley's final game."

Misato face palmed. "You can't be serious…."

"Oh, but I am. He preformed an illegal move out of desperation….The Chaos Dunk…"

"And what is that?"

"He put so much energy into a slam dunk that it ended up killing millions."

"And the wings of light?"

"Those were from Charles Barkley."

"This is ridiculous, Commander. Do you seriously expect me to believe this crap?"

"Do you expect to get paid?"

"Yes."

"Than it's a fair trade-off."

Misato rolled her eyes.

"But I haven't mentioned one important thing; The ability to perform The Choas Dunk is hereditary, meaning Hoopz can do it. So I want you to make sure that Hoopz doesn't know that he can do The Choas Dunk. And with him piloting the Eva, it's a lot more of a risk."

Misato, still baffled, tried to accept what Gendo was saying. "Well, okay….."

"And one more thing." Gendo brought up. "I'm promoting you."

"Wow! Really!?" Misato said with excitement.

"Yes. I'm promoting you to Coach Katsuragi."

"…Oh…"

…

NERV had been practicing the big game for a while now, and Misato had gathered up Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Hoopz, and Kamina.

"Okay, so I am here to give you your new plugsuits."

"New plugsuit? Is it in red?" Asuka asked.

"No. In fact, they are all in the same color."

"WHAT!? WHY DO I…."

Misato slapped Asuka. "Anyways, the changes are merely cosmetic." Misato held up one of the plugsuits. It looked like Shinji's old plugsuit, but it had the NERV logo on the front. Misato turned it around, and the back had a 03 and said "Ikari".

"This is Shinji's. Don't worry, I have one for everyone, except for Kamina, because for whatever reason he doesn't need one."

"Because it would take away from by badassery level!"

"It's about time you said something, Kamina. Now we just need Hoopz to talk."

"Ay yo! Can y'all blame me! I have not shown up in dis chaptah until now, so can y'all gangstas blame me?"

Everyone stared blankly at Hoopz.

"What? You guys said I needed more personality, so I thought I would talk like that."

"…..Right. Anyways, be ready by tomorrow. That's when our big game is."

"Tomorrow!? But, I'm not ready!" Shinji said, about to freak out.

"Stupid Shinji! You're always getting freaked out so easily!" Asuka said. "The Nerdlurks are tiny, so it's not like they'll be difficult to play against."

"Have you seen Space Jam? Of course there is going to be a plot-twist and grow the size of the angels!"

"How can you have seen Space Jam?"

"I wanted to create a plot-hole of my own, okay?"

"Anyways" Coach Katsuragi said to have attention focused on her. "By here tomorrow. We will get ready for the big game tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

It was the day of the big game against the Nerdlurks, and NERV's b-ball team seemed to be ready, but didn't have a good grasp of what they were going up against. After all, the Nerdlurks could pull some kind of plot-twist. Both teams were in NERV's giant basketball stadium that was big enough for Evas to play in.

Misato was giving NERV's basketball team a rundown before the game.

"So, you remember our plan, right?" Misato asked the team she was coaching.

"But how are we going to play basketball when the author doesn't even know how to play basketball?" Shinji asked.

"We have no other choice than to bullshit it. Now are you guys ready?"

Everyone cheered some form of "yes" besides Rei, who just said it emotionlessly.

"Hey wait a second." Hoopz said. "What happened to my mom? She was brought to Tokyo 3 with me, but she disappeared the next day."

"Oh yeah. Well, we every Eva pilot so far has had there mother die after The Second Impact, but you were our first exception, which is why we had to kill your mom and put her soul in Eva Unit 06."

"Oh, okay." Hoopz said casually.

"Wait, what about Eva 05?" Kamina asked.

"You're an exception, because we used the soul of your dad instead of your mom."

Kamina paused for a second. "So you know about my dad?"

"Nope."

"Then how did…"

"Plot-holes. Now just get in the damn robot."

Everyone did as instructed, and got in their respective Evas.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" The announcer, Peter Cullen, shouted. "We are here, with the first ever basketball game in NERV's Tokyo 3 Stadium. The home team is NERV, piloting Evangelion Units 00 through 06!"

The audience shouted as NERV's basketball team ran onto the court.

"Is what its like to be likeable?" Shinji asked as he could hear his rabid fan girls cheering for him.

"If this is what it's like to be likeable, I don't want to be likeable….." Asuka said as she saw the frat middle-aged men cheering for her and the sings they were holding.

"And the visiting team, all the way from Moron Mountain, is The Monstars, piloting Evangelion Units 09 through 13!"

"Wait, WHAT!?" Misato shouted as she saw the Nerdlurks piloting The Mass Produced Evangelions running onto the court.

"And because nobody in this fanfiction knows how to play basketball" Peter Cullen shouted "You'll have to excuse us, as we'll be bullshitting most of this."

…

Meanwhile in SEELE HQ, Gendo was meeting with the members of SEELE.

"Gendo Ikari, are you sure this is another step in Instrumentality?" One of the SEELE members asked Gendo.

"I'm sure. After all, why else do you think I chose the son of Charles Barkley to pilot Eva 06?"

"I thought you said it was for plot-hole purposes."

Gendo tried to make a counter-argument, but realized he had nothing.

…

Back at NERV's Tokyo 3 Stadium, the game was about to begin. Because Blukeirby2 doesn't know how the basketball rules work, The Monstars had the ball. Unit 10 was dribbling it toward NERV's goal, but Kamina tried to block it.

"You think you can make it past the great and mighty Kamina? Just who the hell do you think I am?"

While Kamina was gloating, Unit 10 passed it to Unit 12. However, Rei caught it, and was running towards The Monstars' goal, but was blocked by Unit 09. She then passed it to Hoopz, and he ran toward the goal.

However, Hoopz was blocked by Unit 13 and Unit 11. He saw Shinji, and passed it to him.

Unit 01 was holding the ball, and was unsure what to do.

"Ah! I don't know what to do!" He panicked as The Monstars were running toward him.

"Stupid Shinji!" Asuka yelled. "Don't you remember our training?"

"B…but I mustn't run away!"

"Goddamn it Shinji, the ONE time it's okay for you to run away!"

Out of desperation, he passed it Asuka, but Unit 09 caught it instead, and shot it into NERV's goal.

"Look, before you call me an idiot, it wasn't my fault that time." Shinji said.

Unit 09 was holding the ball, and dribbled it toward NERV's goal again. He tried to pass it, but luckily Shinji caught it, and hesitated to run toward The Monstars' goal.

He made a shot, but missed. Unit 11 grabbed it, and dribbled it toward the opposing team's goal. He tried to pass it, but luckily Hoopz caught it, and made a goal.

"Why can't you be a good baller like Hoopz, Shinji?" Asuka said.

"Gee, I dunno, it's not like my dad isn't Charles Barkley, but instead a terrible father or anything like that."

After a while, it seemed like NERV wasn't doing so well. The score was 2 to 14, and Coach Katsuragi did the thing where the players aren't playing, but instead gathered around the coach where the coach told them something.

"There's nothing we can do to win…" Shinji said hopelessly. Misato tried to give him a pep-talk, but Kamina pushed her out of the way.

"You know kid, you remind me of my bro, Simon. He was like you; piloted a giant robot, was whiney, and had little faith in himself. But despite that, I still had faith in him. I believed in him, something nobody else did. And I taught him to believe in himself. I said 'Don't believe in yourself. Believe in the one that believes in yourself'. But then I said 'Believe in the you that you believe in'. He did that, and you know what? He became a badass like me! So listen to me when I say believe in the Shinji that you believe in!"

Shinji, having never heard anything like that before, had felt like he just had a revelation. "Y..You're right. I need to believe in the me that I believe in! After all, just who the hell do you think I am?"

"That's the spirit Shinji!" Kamina said. "Now let's get back in our Evas and show the Monstars whose boss!"

Everyone got back in their respective Eva while a mashup between Libera Me From Hell and the Space Jam theme started playing.

Shinji dribbled the ball to the opposing goal, and seemed to make a flawless slam dunk. He then had the ball again, but was blocked by Units 09, 10, 11, 12, and 13. He passed it to Hoopz, and Hoopz made a slam dunk.

NERV kept this up, and the score was made even. 16 to 16.

Hoopz was dribbling the ball to the opposing goal, but seemed very determined.

"Hoopz is…." Peter Cullen said. "He's heating up!"

"Oh no….." Misato said.

"HE'S ON FIRE!" Peter Cullen shouted over the intercom. "Errr….I mean, he's going berserk!"

"No….." Misato said frantically. "This can't mean he's going to….!"

Gendo and SEELE were spectating the match. "Everything is going as planned." A SEELE member said.

"HE'S MAKING A CHOAS DUNK!" Peter Cullen said right before Hoopz preformed The Chaos Dunk, and Unit 06 let out a loud roar.

The b-ball was glowing a bright red before being dunked, and suddenly Eva 01 started to float in the air.

"Wait!" Shinji said. "Why is this happening to me!?"

Meanwhile, Bluekirby2, the writer, was writing the story and facepalmed when Shinji pointed that out. "Oh right." He said as he wrote an excuse for that.

Suddenly, Eva Units 09 through 13 started to beat the crap out of Unit 02, nearly killing Asuka.

"ASUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Shinji yelled, causing him to play a key-role in The Third Impact.

Suddenly, Hoopz started growing, and grew big enough to the point that he broke Eva 05. He kept growing to the point that he was visible from space. He grew wings of light, and was cradling a giant basketball.

"Well, were all screwed." Misato said before turning into orange juice.

"My one regret is that I wasn't in a better fanfiction." Kamina said before he had a hallucination of Yoko kissing him, and then became orange juice.

"But I thought I was supposed to the cause of The Third Impa….." Rei didn't finish because she became LCL.

And while everyone became LCL, the Massed Produced Evas somehow had Hoopz's face, and stabbed themselves with the Spear Of Longitus in space.

Of course, Shinji was screaming his lungs out while all this was happening. Suddenly, he saw Hoopz in front of him.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" The Giant Naked Hoopz asked him.

"What?" Shinji said, confused.

"The Third Impact. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shinji asked bluntly. "I never wanted you to make a Chaos Dunk, killing millions AND starting Third Impact! I just didn't want to play basketball."

Hoopz had a defeated look on his face. "Oh…"

There was a bit off awkward silence between the two for awhile.

"So, can you make The Third Impact fail or something?" Shinji said.

"Oh? Oh yeah, sure." Hoopz said as he was sliced in half, and before he knew it, Shinji was on the beach where the ocean was colored red.

He looked on the ocean, and saw Hoopz standing on the ocean.


End file.
